Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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