I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
