YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
