My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
