It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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