He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
