love makes seman taste better
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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