so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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