I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
