Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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