Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
