i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
