The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
