I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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