I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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