just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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