why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
