umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
