So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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