That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
