dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize