JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
