I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
