Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
