My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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