I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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