hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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