If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
