Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize