think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize