so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
