I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
