Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
