If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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