How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
