She is in my trunk
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
