Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
