i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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