Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
