apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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