Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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