So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
