Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
