o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
