ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
