I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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