i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
