My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
