I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My feet surprised me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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