i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
