Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
