I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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