hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
