And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize