I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
