oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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