bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And then he peed in my hair
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