Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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