she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize