I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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