WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
