just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
