i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
