You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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