she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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