I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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