We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
