we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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