Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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