The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize