do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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